I’M THE MOM THAT YELLS

Raise your hand if you’re in the same boat… you don’t want to be a yeller. Shortly after you yell, you beat yourself up over the fact that you just yelled at your kid(s). You ask yourself over and over, “Why does it take me yelling for them to finally listen?” Next, you calm the crying kid(s) down and try to justify why you just yelled at them. And then you beat yourself up more for not staying calm just a little bit longer. This is when I start thinking about all the other moms and dads I know and how amazing they are with their kids, and I’m just certain that they never yell. Except I know it’s not true. When I’m with parent friends and I confess I’m the mom that yells, I get zero judgment and almost always a response of solidarity… “So am I and I hate it!”

When I’m super stressed, I tend to start with yelling instead of the patient and calm tones that eventually lead to yelling.

Knowing this about myself and also knowing that I would potentially be in a super stressful state for about a year, AKA Andre’s deployment, I wanted to figure out a way to minimize my yelling. Children mimic our tones, amongst other things, and I was starting to hear some sharp tones coming from Raina, my 4-year-old, when she would talk to her little brother and also sometimes when she would talk to me. I sat Raina down and explained to her how important it is to listen and have a kind tone. I explained that it’s important for her to be this way with Joel, and that it’s just as important and respectful that I listen and have a kind tone with her. Honestly, that talk didn’t magically change things. But, (channeling my inner Daniel Tiger’s Dad) I gave her permission to call me out on my listening skills and voice tone. There is nothing quite like tasking a 4-year-old with something like this. She doesn’t let me off easy AT ALL – and I don’t want her to. Andre and I tell the kids all the time that we are a team. We all bring something to the table that makes this family work. Raina takes a lot of pride in knowing that, and I’m hoping Joel will too once he is old enough to understand what it all means. In the meantime, he will tell you that we are a team because he has heard it so much, and he’s a parrot.

Here’s one exercise I’ve been trying – when I catch myself in a yelling moment, I try to immediately stop and start whispering. Let me tell ya, it’s a challenging one, but it’s also a little bit fun because it almost always stops the kids right in their tracks. In fact, one of the first times I did it, Raina asked me if my voice was okay. Pretty cool! I have a long way to go, but I’m certainly working hard at being better in this category of my parenting. Please give me some of your tips and tricks! THANK YOU!! 😊